| Who Am I? by Dietrich Bonhoeffer <!– –>Who am I? They often tell me I stepped from my cell’s confinement Calmly, cheerfully, firmly, Like a squire from his country-house. Who am I? They often tell me I used to speak to my warders Freely and friendly and clearly, As though it were mine to command. Who am I? They also tell me I bore the days of misfortune Equally, smilingly, proudly, Like one accustomed to win. |
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| Am I then really all that which other men tell of? Or am I only what I myself know of myself? Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds, Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness, Tossing in expectation of great events, Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance, Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other? Am I one person today and tomorrow another? Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others, And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling? Or is something within me still like a beaten army, Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved? Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine. Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine! March 4,1946 It is comforting to know that someone like Bonhoeffer who I admire so much, had strugges and doubts. In reading Bread and Water, Wine & Oil just now, I come to realize that all human beings construct a false self and they try to nurture that instead of insisting on the truth about myself. To get to the core of “who I am” is really hard and Bonhoeffer’s final thought – whoever I am, you Lord know, I am yours! Help me to make that true. Life really is a lifelong struggle to get to the truth of that statement. |
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